The Warlust Between Genghis Khan and Oda Nobunaga
by OhToro
Summary: An unexpected love sprouts amidst war between Genghis Khan and the time-traveler Oda Nobunaga who escaped certain death in a mysterious way.


The Warlust Between Genghis Khan and Oda Nobunaga

On a misty morning with a blood-tinted fog surrounding the Mongolian mountains, Genghis Khan sat on a chair enjoying his hobby-impaling heads with a spear to decorate his borders with. As he finished brutally gouging out the eyes in preparation for the spear insertion, the next head had caught his eye.

"Ohoho, look what we have here!" he exclaimed.

Unleashing a guttural scream reminiscent of the screams from the damned souls in hell, he decided to save this head for his 253rd daughter who was about to be married off. As he tossed the head into his trusty blood-tainted fanny pack designated for valued heads, a large lightning strike struck right in front of his feet.

A small lifeless Japanese man was left on the ground. The man exhibited a stature that seemed incredibly fragile like glass compared to Khan's huge sturdy frame and muscular build. He was decorated with a set of heavy plated armour and a shiny katana with his golden family crest imprinted on the butt of the blade.

"Who is this puny fool who wears such girlish equipment?," yelled Genghis Khan who was wearing a loin cloth barely large enough to cover his - well ahem, you know.

At first, there was fidgeting amongst the seemingly dead corpse. In response, Genghis Khan fearlessly stomped the body's head into the ground. Suddenly, the man rose to his feet in a quick flash, drew his katana, and started attacking Genghis Khan...

"My Lord, Hideyoshi and his army have set fire to our castle. They're breaking in! You must flee my lo-" A soldier couldn't finish his sentence when an arrow pierced through his seemingly fragile skull.

Oda Nobunaga, a fearsome warlord who took control over a majority of Japan, had sensed the impending doom upon his life.

"All of these hardships-all for what? For me to die to some uneducated mongrels? I'd rather die by my own honorable hands than those apes."

As Oda Nobunaga began the ceremony for seppuku, he noticed something interesting. His body felt unnatural, as if something was tearing his body from the inside out. The discomfort slowly evolved into a unignorable pain.

"_**Yamete!**_" screamed Oda Nobunaga, clawing for his sword to put him out of his misery.

As he was screaming in agony, lightning had struck his body and his consciousness was snuffed out...

_**~Crack~**_

Intense pain shocked his whole entire head after being stomped with the Khan's boots which damned many victims to hell. Khan's boots sent an electrical impulse that shot life throughout his spine and body. As his consciousness came back, Nobunaga sensed an enemy. An enemy can only mean one thing: it's time to battle. Nobunaga leapt to his feet and let his samurai instincts kick in.

As Nobunaga swung his sword, he expected the sweet, satisfying sound of silver metal slicing through flesh. Unfortunately for him, the brute dodged his strike with no effort at all. Nobunaga could feel Khan's gaze that screamed of pity. Taking offense to the lack of respect, Nobunaga swung with all his might towards the neck that was as thick as a bloated tree trunk. This time, the barbarian did not move.

_**~Thud~**_

Nobunaga's head was filled with only one thing - fear. For the first time in his life, he felt utterly powerless against a foe. Blood dripped all the way down from the tip of the blade to Nobunaga's shaky hand. Nobunaga tried to move his blade, he couldn't. A strong intense gaze which rivalled the intensity of a disappointed tiger mom pierced his soul. The holder of this gaze was firmly grasping the blade with his tough, leathery hand.

Nobunaga looked up into Khan's eyes.

Fear struck not only his heart but his existence as well.

Immediately, Nobunaga looked away. Not of his own accord, but rather, the overwhelming pressure had made him snap his head away. However, Genghis Khan's free hand had slowly moved towards Nobunaga's chin. Unable to move at all, all Nobunaga could do was watch and embrace his fate.

As Khan's hand touched the Nobunaga's chin, Nobunaga had spontaneously urinated and defecated at the same time. Khan's hand slowly turned the soiled man's chin towards his own face.

"Such a smooth and girlish face. Reminds me of my 42nd wife," Genghis Khan thought.

Amused by how feminine Nobunaga looked, Khan let out a hearty chuckle. Nobunaga blushed as he felt the feces dripping down his thigh and into his shoes. Khan, amused, decided to spare this feminine man and tenderly let go of his chin.

As his shoes started forming a mushy puddle of feces, Nobunaga felt an inexplicable and abnormal feeling inside his chest. It started with a small churning within his stomach and worked its way up to his rapidly-throbbing heart. Finally, this weird feeling started spreading everywhere throughout his whole being, and Nobunaga finally realised what this feeling was.

Love.

Flashbacks raced through Nobunaga's brain as he relived the previous times he has felt this nostalgic feeling. Whether it be through Nobunaga's first meetings with his first wife or all of his concubines, none could rival the intense burning feeling that he was experiencing at the moment.

Nobunaga nervously fidgeted his toes around in the vile mixture of feces and urine which was potent enough to start another strain of the Black Plague. Wiggling his fingers around his own arms, he slowly looked at Genghis Khan in the eyes.

"_Ohoho, this man dares to look at me in the eye after soiling himself?_" thought Genghis Khan as his eyes met Nobunaga's timid eyes. "_Pathetic, this man doesn't even have an ounce of manliness in his eyes."_ Disgusted with the strange man's overwhelming femininity, Genghis Khan turned his back and walked away.

As Nobunaga watched Khan's hairy and brutish back turn away from him, he felt a strong unexplainable urge. He leapt out with a gentle squish inside his boots, and he latched onto Khan's hairy back giving him a gentle but firm hug from behind.

Khan felt a small pair of hands wrapping around his belly button. He looked down to see a pair of worn out hands rubbing against his rough leathery belly. Shocked by the disgusting homosexual behaviors of this strange man, Khan grabbed the small frail hands and threw them off of him. Once again, the persistent hands grasped Khan firmly around the waist.

Khan felt a tug. This tug did not originate from his waist, but rather it was a tug felt at his heart.

Khan turned around and gazed at Oda Nobunaga's effeminate face glowing with estrogen and illuminated by the glistening of his sticky sweat.

"_I've already had 103 concubines, what more is another one? This man seems to be fit for my concubine after all,"_ thought Genghis Khan.

Genghis Khan gingerly touched Oda Nobunaga's chin and Nobunaga firmly strengthened his hold. As Khan's large lips, stained with the blood he drank earlier, moved towards Nobunaga's face, Nobunaga closed his eyes. Time had stopped for the two of them as they were entranced and blessed with each other's reciprocated love and presence.

Time passed. The blood-tinted fog had gone away, and the gloomy overcast day turned into night illuminated by the unpolluted starry skies. However, the two had no desire to let go of each other. And so, more time had passed. The starry skies swirled around above their heads as their mouths were engaged in their own fearsome battle. Tongues flicking back and forth, stabbing and lunging, and tackling and retreating. This battle was one of the toughest battles in their lives. Neither was willing to submit, but it seemed like Khan's thick, quick tongue was conquering the unexplored lands of Nobunaga's mouth.

The tides turned. Nobunaga's quick and efficient movements struck Khan's sensitive spot in his mouth. Noticing Khan's reaction, Nobunaga took advantage of his newfound battle knowledge. He compacted his tongue into a shape similar to a small katana, and thrusted it towards Khan's sensitive spot.

_**~Mmph~**_

Noone ever thought that Khan would fall in such a way. Khan uttered a sound of pleasure and shortly after, his body became limp and he dropped to the ground with a thud. Oda Nobunaga had won this battle. Triumphant, Oda Nobunaga let out a warcry which pierced the ears of every single living being. Tired and exhausted, Oda Nobunaga's body followed turn and fell with a loud thud on top of Genghis Khan's body.

Nobunaga had adjusted to his life as Genghis Khan's official and most treasured concubine. They had just finished their honeymoon which was conquering the rest of China, massacring peasant farmers, and pillaging cities with no mercy shown to anyone.

Life had calmed down for the two of them as they quickly reached their 30's. They had moved to Szechuan and settled there permanently for the time being. They moved into a humble abode with walls decorated with beautiful heads that they had severed from their honeymoon as souvenirs. A blood-stained door with a door-to-door salesman's hand attached to the doorknob. A beautiful garden which was fertilized by human organs and limbs which were deemed unworthy of trophies. Life was peaceful, and life was great.

Nobunaga was cooking dinner when in a large clamor, Genghis Khan barged through the door with a face that Nobunaga had not seen before.

"Honey! We have to run, the world is changing and there's a rebellion against warlords."

"Dear, what's the point of running? Didn't we defeat hundreds of people by ourselves already?"

"You don't understand honey, they have," said Khan as he grimaced, "Adolf Hitler."

"Who?"

"Adolf Hitler!? Have you been listening to the tales of him? He brings this strange device that makes a loud sound which pierces flesh in an instant. We can't win against such witchcraft, we must run honey."

"Fine, let's run."

As Khan clamored for their most treasured heads and equipment, Nobunaga realised that he had to pack a bento box. Nobunaga rushed to the fire, took out their dinner, and packed it into a nice little bento box for the trip. He took the eyeballs and skewered them; making sure to align the irises in a single line. Then, he made an onigiri with the filling containing minced human breast meat, famous for being the most fattiest part of the body. Of course, since this was a Japanese bento box, he had to have sushi. So he opened the jar of fingers, created a nice and fluffy foundation of vinegar seasoned rice, and placed a large hairy finger on top of the cloud of rice. Finally, he put in the fried rice and omelette, making an omurice. He carefully drew a giant heart made out of fermented blood which was extracted from the first warrior he had slain during their honeymoon.

Meanwhile, Khan was clamoring for his most treasured momento. The head that he had saved for his 253rd daughter. This head was important to him not because of how pretty it was, but it was a reminder of the battle that had taken place. The long hard-fought battle with his husband, Oda Nobunaga. Khan crammed the rotting and disfigured head into his sack, and grabbed Oda Nobunaga's hand. They ran out of their home and fled.

On a dark road illuminated only by the stars and glimmering constellations, Nobunaga and Khan decided to take a break to eat. Khan had opened up the bento box, and gasped.

"Honey! This.. this omurice is so beautiful. I love you so much honey."

"Dear, I'm glad you recognized that I put all of my love and heart into making this ben-"

_**~Thud~**_

The sound of gunfire echoed in Khan's ear. However, that did not disturb Khan. Khan was disturbed by the sound of a corpse hitting the cold hard ground.

_**~BANG~**_

_**~Thud~**_

The sound of another gunshot rang out and cracked the sky. Khan's body fell onto the ground next to his deceased husband. Khan looked at his beloved soulmate's eyes. He shed a single tear before hearing his last ever sound.

_**~BANG~**_

Adolf Hitler, the man who had slain two legendary warlords, was making his presence known to the world. Cold brutal executions and large-scale massacres were taking place all over the Earth thanks to Hitler and his newfound Secret State Police. He was reminiscing about the good ol' days back in Germany…

"Mein Fuhrer, we're losing to the Red Army! They're coming any minute now!"

"Leave me alone you insolent cabbage! I need some time alone!" said Hitler as he drew his gun and pointed it at the poor footsoldier.

Fearing for his life, the footsoldier ran away and left Hitler alone in his bunker.

HItler stared at a container in the box. His hands shakingly moved towards the container and nervously opened it. A shiny white cyanide pill was staring back at him. HItler tenderly grabbed the cyanide pill. As he put it in his mouth, an uncomfortable feeling started clawing at his insides. This feeling ramped up into an excruciating pain as if he was being split in half and a demon was about to burst out of his chest. Letting out the loudest screech that overshadowed the entire human suffering he had caused in World War II, he passed out.

Hitler woke up in Germany with a lot of ammunition, and his trusty German luger pistol. He knew why he was there. He had another chance to take over the world, and he was not going to let any warlords ruin his chances at doing so. And so began his journey…

**FIN**

If you would like to see Adolf Hitler's journey, please follow : )


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